Lost: Twelve stone of useless weight that used to displace half the water in the bath and mock me, mock me, mock me for displacing more. Answers to the name ‘Mark’ reluctantly, preferring to watch old war movies or nail varnish drying on other women’s toenails. If found, please tell him to contact his mother and ask her to stop inviting me to Bridge classes.
Wanted: Pot of gold from end of rainbow. Any size of pot considered. No time wasters, no leprechauns.
Wanted: Sense of direction. Seller to deliver.
*first published in Classifieds by Equinox in 2012